I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
