So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
