i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
