The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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