Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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