If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
