there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
