Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im holly from the hills drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
