Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
