Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
