I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
