i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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