Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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