absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
