Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
