Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
