I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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