A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
