Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
