and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
