Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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