Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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