This girl is more easily done than said...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
