we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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