fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
