when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's official drugs can't kill me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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