Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
