im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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