i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
