update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
