I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My bed smells like the plague
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
