I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
