im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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