Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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