great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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