i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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