he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
