how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
