Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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