but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
