The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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