If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
