ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
