I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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