Jerry, you need to find god
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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