remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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