my vag is so smooth its legendary
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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