you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
