you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
