i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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