I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
