He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
